


Fake Happy

by vanillasunrise



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Coping Mechanisms, David is struggling with depression, Depression, Depression Recovery, Forgive Me, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide attempt mentioned, Trigger Warning!, antidepressants, bad memories, but he's trying ok, depressed David au, he's really doing his best, i didn't want to make that precious bean suffer, it's just sort of happend :'), pls forgive me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 22:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12198939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillasunrise/pseuds/vanillasunrise
Summary: Everybody believes that David's cheerful, positive attitude is a natural part of his personality. However, the truth is quite diffrent. When no one's looking, there's no more fake happiness. Also, we kinda learn what made David become a camp counselor.





	Fake Happy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! It's my first work in this fandom and I'm sorry that it's a little bit... depressing? But it all started with me wanting to write about David and listening to "Fake happy" by Paramore. The lyrics hit me hard and I thought heck, I'm doing this. Not sure if everything falls into place but hey, I tried!  
> ★ also English is not my first language, so if there are any mistakes, please point them out, I'd be happy to correct them! ★

“Okay, kids!” David cheerfully clapped his hands. “Now, it’s time you hit the sack and recharged your batteries. We don’t want you lookin’ like a bunch of zombies in the morning! You too, Gwen,” he added, glancing at the yawning co-counselor. “I know you’ve been reading your werewolf stories all night long”.

A few campers giggled.

“Jeez, fine,” Gwen said, rolling her eyes as she looked at David with a half-smile. “You got me, Mr I-am-not-a-creep-who-is-spying-on-people”. David frowned. “I was joking, you dumbass!”

“Oh, sorry…”

“Yeah, whatever.”

David awkwardly cleared his throat, a cheesy grin back on his face. “Anyway, sleep well, kiddos! We have a day full of fun activities ahead of us!”

“Fun? Like punching you in the face?” Max asked, fixing the counselor with a bitter, provocative glare. David let it slide.

From the very beginning, the boy was always trying to pick a fight with David, to provoke him. He was mean, aggressive, and it seemed to David that the only thing that Max was passionate about was finding his weak spot, a visible hole in his armor of sugar-coated happiness, and exploiting it. “How could such a small kid be so determined to hurt someone on purpose?”, David wondered. Still, he refused to believe that Max was doing it just for fun, as he claimed. It had to be something more.

David had every right to be angry and upset with the boy, but he chose not to go that way. He knew it would only make things worse. And he really believed in Max. He wanted to show him that the world isn’t a pathetic shithole, that the good things are all around and the better days are yet to come, even if it meant being called names, kicked, or thrown into the lake. He could stand that.

Having no response from David, Max just snorted, tucking his hands into the pockets of his favorite hoodie and went to his tent. The others soon followed, and when David made sure that everyone’s where they’re supposed to be, he headed to his cabin.

As the door closed, he let out a quiet, tired sigh, his usual ear-to-ear smile slowly fading. He lit a small bedside lamp, filling the room with a soothing, warm glow. The light soon attracted a small, fluffy moth, which started bumping desperately into a light bulb.

“Hey, don’t do this, lil buddy,” David said with a gentle voice. “There’s no point in hurting yourself”.

He caught it carefully, feeling its little legs and wings tickling the inside of his hand. David opened the window and released the poor creature, which soon disappeared in the forest.

Although David welcomed that small distraction, it couldn’t stop all the awful thoughts crawling back into his mind. Nearly automatically, he opened a drawer in the bedside cabinet and took out a bottle of pills. The label with the name of the medication was covered with a yellow sticky note that said “HAPPY PILLS” with a smiley face under it. He took one pill and quickly swallowed.

“One happy pill a day keeps the sorrows away,” David repeated in his head, trying to smile, but the smile felt heavy now. In this very moment, it felt wrong.

David reached under the bed and took out his guitar. He started quietly strumming the song, which got stuck in his head a few months ago. The title was “Fake happy” and David felt the bitter irony in it. As he started humming the lyrics, the memories began to flash through his mind.

 _♫_ _I been doing a good job of makin' 'em think  
I'm quite alright_ _♫_

He saw Jasper sitting next to him, his head resting on David’s arm. They sneaked out of the camp to watch the sunset together. Actually, Jasper insisted on it.

“Wow, sun is so RADICAL, don’t you think, Davey?”

“What? Why?” David hated the fact that his voice was so squeaky back then, but Jasper thought it was cute and little Davey learned to love it soon enough.

“Oh, don’t make that grumpy face! Just look at the colors!” Jasper pointed at the horizon. The sky was a truly stunning palette of all shades of pink, purple and orange, with a hint of fading blue.

Although many found it hard to believe, David wasn’t always keen on nature. It was Jasper who taught him how to find beauty in the strangest of places. And it was Jasper who taught him to love camping, too. He owed the boy everything he was holding on to.

Jasper was probably David’s first, innocent crush. Of course, since they were kids, he didn’t fully realize what he was actually feeling. He thought that maybe cuddling while napping under a tree or holding hands were just things friends did on a daily basis. The realization came later.

But it came too late.

_♫_ _But I hope I don't blink_  
You see its easy when I'm stomping on a beat  
But no one sees me when I crawl back underneath _♫_

A single tear rolled down David’s cheek.

He saw himself sitting on the floor in his old bedroom, reading an adventure book, waiting for his parents to come home.

But they never did.

Someone from the hospital called him, an unfamiliar, male voice telling him that there was a car accident.

He never touched that book again.

_♫_ _If I smile with my teeth  
Bet you believe me _ _♫_

Then there was that night. That one night that could’ve ended everything.

The night when he felt so hopeless and alone that he took a razor blade and tried to slid his wrist. Luckily, he was too much of a coward. As soon as he saw blood, he freaked out and called an ambulance. They saved him, but the “unfortunate event”, as he preferred to call it, has left him with a nasty scar.

That’s why he always had a watch on his left wrist.

Oh, that stupid night. The stupidest night of all.

_♫_ _If I smile with my teeth  
I think I believe me _ _♫_

And then came his therapy. A long, long way from the absolute bottom. A difficult one, yes. But certainly needed.

The first few sessions felt like a waste of time since he was barely even talking and mostly crying. He wasn’t able to see the turning point just yet.

“What’s your happiest memory, David?” asked the psychiatrist one day.

“E-excuse me?” In all that mess he was neck-deep in, that question seemed out of place.

“Well, maybe I should try a different approach. If you could freeze time in the one particular moment and make it last forever, what would it be?”

A moment of silence followed. And then, David knew.

“Well… I think that the time I've spent at Camp Cambell as a kid, the time before Jasper’s… accident… Those are the happiest memories I have.”

“So cling to them.”

“Cling…how?”

“Does this camp still exist?”

“Um… yes?”

“Aren’t they looking for a new counselor?”

“I-I don’t know. Maybe. But-“

“If this place is the source of your best memories, you should go there. You cannot recover in the same place you got sick, you know? Besides, a job could give you a sense of purpose. If you were so happy back then at Camp Cambell, why don’t you try and make others feel the same? You’d make a great camp counselor, David.” The lady smiled. “You’re a good, caring person. If you’re doing something, you put your whole heart in it. All those kids would be lucky to have you.”

_♫_ _I love making you believe  
What you get is what you see _ _♫_

It was a bit funny (in its very ironical way) that just yesterday, when David saw that Max was upset about something and said that he could help, that he can understand whatever the boy’s going through, Max gave him a furious look. “No, you won’t understand shit, camp man! You know why? BECAUSE YOU’RE A HAPPY-GO-LUCKY RAY OF FUCKING SUNSHINE!”

Gwen also made comments from time to time. But they were much nicer, something more like: “I bet you eat glitter and rainbows for breakfast.”

The psychiatrist was right. Being back at Camp Cambell was just what he needed to feel alive again. He was gradually going back to his old, happy self, even though the pills were doing half a job. But there were days when he felt like his smile is fake. Like his laughter isn’t as genuine as it should be.

David stood up and went to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror, meeting his own eyes, all puffy and red.

“C’mon, Davey, you just have to smile.” he said to himself. “You know what they say – fake it till you make it. Fake a smile if you have to. Don’t let the kids down. They count on you. Even Max. Especially Max. He’s not bad, just lost. Like you. And even if he’s lost his hope, you’re not allowed to do that. You have to stay positive and you have to fight. For yourself. And for that kid. For all the kids.”

BECAUSE SOMEBODY FUCKING HAS TO.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! It was sad, I know, but just letting you know that I have a more positive Max & David (aka best dad ever) story planned, so... I guess I'll make up for it


End file.
